Verbal Cacophony

Ducati Monster 696 Demo Ride

Posted by Jessie under Uncategorized

I’ve been bitten, and now I’ve got the disease. This insidious disease plagues those of us who know that the Italians make some hot bikes, and are consequently obsessed by them.

I got to demo ride the Ducati Monster 696 today after the Payson run, and quite frankly I don’t think I’ll ever be the same. I think I’m in love…

</drama>

You don’t really understand what it’s all about until you’ve ridden one. It started with intrigue when Cary told me that the seat height was low enough for me to nearly flat-foot. Then came genuine interest when I sat down on the one on the showroom floor. Then I got on a live one, turned the key and hit the ignition switch and the thing came to life and the sound of awesomeness didn’t stop for 45 minutes of glorious blitzing through the streets of Phoenix (more like plodding, we were going way under the speed limit). At 5k to 6k RPMs the growling starts, and it starts whispering evil things in your ear… “C’mon, more throttle, that’s it, second gear, let’s GO, NOW!!”

I’ve crossed over to the dark side, I’m afraid. I’m plotting to abandon my faithful, little well-loved Ninja for something more sinister.

</drama, for realz this time>

It’s as if Ducati sat down with a bunch of short-legged female riders and asked them what they wanted. “Low seat height!!” they said. “Not too heavy!!” they clamored. “Wet clutch, we don’t want to deal with it slipping!” And so Ducati did it. And Ducati saw that it was good.

Here is a bike that’s low enough for me to sit comfortably with the balls of my feet on the ground and knees slightly bent, that has me sitting slightly forward with my feet under my butt where they should be, not too much weight on my wrists. Here’s a bike that weighs only 350 pounds, 30 pounds lighter than even my little Ninja. Here’s a bike that with very little prodding can propel my small self forward faster than I could possibly want to go and still has me with complete control of where the power’s going.

It’s short, light, fast and in three colors of awesome. I’m going to have to break the bad news to my Ninja carefully. I realize this may seem like an impulsive thing, and I fully intend to research whether it’s even financially possible and mull it over for at least a month. As well as consult the older, wiser, more seasoned rider parental. ;D

J

Alternate title to this entry: OMG WANTZ0RZ!

Protected: Withdrawls

Posted by Jessie under Uncategorized

This is my karmic SOMETHING.

Posted by Jessie under Uncategorized

I picked a HELLUVA week to quit smoking! *headdesk*

on Tuesday night, a lady fell down at work and there was blood EVERYWHERE from a cut on her leg she got on the way down.

Tonight I was super busy AND said lady fell down two more times. Which wouldn’t have been that annoying had it not been for the paperwork involved… see, every time someone falls down and gets hurt, or there’s blood involved or anything potentially life-threatening or generally something happens that shouldn’t DOES, we have to fill out these lil reports detailing what happened and what we’re going to do to follow up/ avoid it in the future. These reports are tedious and take an annoying amount of time to fill out. I had to fill out TWO of these for the SAME person tonight. GAH!

In the midst of which the FD showed up and grumped at me about how they hadn’t been alerted that it wasn’t really an emergency, the other ladies had just freaked out and called 911 the second they heard someone crying for help. To which I replied sans patience that it was their dimwitted dispatcher who had failed to radio them and tell them it was a false alarm. and now I feel like a jerk because I like firefighters, they’re good guys. AND TALL HOLY MOTHER. Seriously, one of them is two of ME.

So we’re on night four of the watch-Jessie-quit-smoking saga, and it’s been humorous. Mostly painful. Alot of bubble bath and tea has been harmed in the process.

J

I have solved America’s gas crisis!

Posted by Jessie under Motors

Inspired by yet another radio ad using the gas crisis as a strategy, I have some advice:

GET A MOTORCYCLE. :)

2008 Suzuki GSXR

2008 CBR100RR; for you suicidal crazies

2008 Yamaha R1

2008 Triumph Daytona 675

More of a cruiser person? I have a solution for you too!

2008 Yamaha V-Star

Triumph Speedmaster

Or if you feel like spending most of your time under the bike instead of on it, you could always get a harley. ;P That CBR is going to get less miles per gallon than say… my 500 Ninja, but it’s still better than 25 miles to the gallon highway, 22 city you’ll get with a car. I pay about 20-25 bucks a week on gas, and that’s with riding 200 miles on Saturdays alone. If I just commuted on my bike, I’d pay about 15 bucks a week. And that ain’t bad.

So everybody: get on two wheels! The stupid ones will wipe out and the smart ones will stay alive and the world will be a better, safer (faster!!) place for all of us, we’ll pay squat for our fuel and hey! The sportbike manufacturers’ kids will get to go to college! Clearly this will solve America’s problem! ^_^

J

I should have done this a few years ago.

Posted by Jessie under I QUIT ... maybe?

So Rick and I saw the Incredible Hulk last night. Nobody told me Edward Norton was so freaking cute! COME ON PEOPLE. Anyway, in support of the movie, I’ve decided to start a running count here. And dedicated an entire new category to what promises to be a very amusing (for you) series of blog entries.

I’ve brushed my teeth, changed into pajamas, locked all the doors, walked around the house, re-checked all the doors, pulled out a few eyebrows, re-checked the doors again, pulled out another stray eyebrow… etcetera… I could JUST go to sleep… All I need is ONE! I have just one thing to say:

THIS BLOWS.

1

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH please buy me a gun with one bullet, kthx.

J

More shitty stuff that happened in 1986

Posted by Jessie under Hilarity, Music

As if 12 people dying on my birthday wasn’t bad enough, right? OH NO. Also in that year on Valentine’s day, Nikki Six overdosed on heroin in some dealer’s apartment, the former of whom tried to beat the life back into him, subsequently failed, and tossed the dude into a Dumpster. (click on the photo for embiggination!!)

In other news, Sixx recently made my list of “Hot Famous Old Guys”. However, in order to get anywhere within a ten mile radius of the dude, you have to look like (one of these photos is NSFW) this or this or this… somehow I’m not big on looking like the Hot Topic poster girl. It’s bad enough I had to walk around the bleeding mall today with one of their big-ass-bags in hand that may as well say in bold, “I HAVE REPRESSED TEENAGE ANGST AND NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME OK?!?1ONE”

<topic hijack BEGIN!> I bought a Vendetta poster, and asked if they had paper bags. The chick behind the counter looks at me and goes, “Uhhhh… no.” I so don’t fit in at Hot Topic… hippy-ness and HT goth-punk-emo-angst just don’t go well together. It’s like mixing beer and chocolate… ask Dad if he wants something sweet while drinking a beer. The answer will always be no. </topic hijack>

J

Yet ANOTHER universal truth:

Posted by Jessie under Hilarity

It’s a good idea to be judicious with who you’re making friends with. So, rewind! We’re in the summer of ‘06 and I made a friend who we’re going to call P, on some local dating site. The whole “dating” idea went badly and after a brief tiff, the dust settled down and some semblance of a normal friendship began.

Skip to the near past, P moved to buttf**ing Georgia with no money and no plans of supporting, clothing or housing himself when he got there, spent some time in a homeless shelter as a result and blamed it on the world hating him. Oh, and sent the naked photos of some girl he’d been dating to ANOTHER girl who posted them on the internet for all Consumating dot com to see in order to get revenge on her for breaking his black little heart.

Which brings us about up to speed. In May I paid off a debt that P had incurred in Atlanta Georgia using the Blockbuster video card we’d set up in Litchfield, Arizona where I’d been shooting photos once. I got P a card so he could take out videos as well, not thinking that ONE day P would join the dark side and suddenly become the evil, hateful little bastard he is today. So anyway, this debt collection place sent me a notice saying YOU’RE A BAD PERSON NOW PAY US THIS MONEY, with the source of the problem coming from Atlanta, Georgia. As soon as I saw that the debt had been incurred in a Blockbuster in Atlanta, I knew exactly what had happened. So I paid it, and took P’s name off the account and had the person I spoke with put a note on my account saying something to the effect of “NO PERSON NAMED P [obviously not his real name] MAY USE THIS ACCOUNT SO THERE, NYAH”.

And all was fine an’ peachy keen until I checked my bank account this morning to see ANOTHER charge had hit my debit account, this time from Blockbuster #9037 in Enfield, Connecticut. What the hell, man! So I looked up the store, called them and said something to the effect of, this guy’s an a-hole and can I please get a refund for this? To which they said sorry… but no. So I said ok, cancel my Blockbuster account (since I’m using Netflix these days which is cooler anyway). I also had her put a bunch of notes saying, THIS ACCOUNT IS INACTIVE!!!!ONE11 oh- and if the slimy bastard named P tries to use the account, have him surrender the card (goddammit).

I know where you LIVE, man!! Enfield, Connecticut! … unfortunately that’s about all I know, heh…

So, in retrospect I *should* have seen that P was kind of shady guy from square 1. But I was 20, I’ve gotten alot smarter in two years (save yer comments). So the moral of the story is… even if your friends *aren’t* shady people… don’t give them joint access to anything financial that also has your name and credit score on it. If they ever get really pissed off at you, they’ll go around squandering your money willy-nilly and probably enjoying the schadenfreude. Hopefully this is the last I’ll ever hear of my old pal P.

It’s times like these I wish I was connected to the mafia. I’d have P whacked simply for annoying me and meddling around with my money. Alas.

J

Another Universal Truth

Posted by Jessie under Regarding the Opposite Sex

Not all women are out to change their men into what they want them to be. Or maybe I’m an alien from a different planet. But if I meet a guy who’s not Mr. Perfect, I’m not going to waste my time dating him. Does that not make sense?

That is all.

J

Globe, Arizona

Posted by Jessie under Motors

Things I learned today, having ridden to said destination and back:

- The sun is bright, and sees all exposed skin. I have a burn that’s about six inches wide by three inches tall and is the exact shape of the spot between where my shirt blew away from my back beneath the hem of my jacket and my jeans started. And it is RED. I always. miss. something. I’m going to take a swim in sunscreen before this weekend’s ride.

- gravity sucks, especially in low-speed maneuvering, ie: parking lots. Long story short: I need a [nother] new clutch lever.

- hydration paks ROCK, albeit a bit tricky to work up under a helmet.

You would think all this would be common sense, really. But somehow each weekend I get at strange, obscure burn somewhere on my body I neglected, thankfully the bike damage is rare. :/ Photos of our adventure here and here.

J

Life rocks to be a Gen Y’er, and here’s why, or now for something more positive!

Posted by Jessie under Consider This, Technology/Gadgets

Alternate-alternate title: Superficial things I’m still thankful for.

Email. Bluetooth. Instant messaging. Mac computers. Four-stroke, two-wheeled people moving machines of awesome. Gadgets.

They do not have ipods in Angola. It’s times like this why I’m thankful to live in a country where we can afford things like bluetooth motorcycle helmets with GPS… and ipods.