Verbal Cacophony

And that is what ye shall get, after the jump.

(more…)

Whenever I get stressed and overwhelmed by the task(s) at hand (usually in the plural form), I go through another one of my microcrises. Want some interesting reading that I’m sure will make you roll your eyes and tell me that once again I’m being a hypochondriac? Quarterlife crisis.

For example, why is everyone else my age married?? I mean seriously. I’m simultaneously kind of envious that they’ve got something done that adults do, and on the other hand, I’m glad that I don’t have to deal with that right now. Also, everyone else my age seems to be living on their own or will soon be, whereas I am still living with the parental units.

Granted, barring complete and utter disaster and possible failure, I’ll be graduating nursing school in a year, hopefully moving out shortly after. However, for the time being I can’t help but feel really frustrated and very angsty about this whole situation. I should have done this years ago. I should be well situated in an actual career by this time in my life. If someone had told me to stop futzing around and get serious about school directly after high school because at 24 I would really start to hate this school-work-school-work-school-work bull… come to think of it, I’m sure both parents did say that at one point or another, but I probably wasn’t listening. It kind of sucks to be 24 and still not at LEAST out on my own. Not to mention it’s getting really, REALLY old living out of a bedroom. My little “apartment” is a 12×12 shoebox containing all my worldly possessions. I want a living room of my own! hrm. And a friggin’ kitchen.

One. more. year. This last year of school has, as usual, gone by really quickly and at the same time while I was in the middle of it, painfully slow. School kind of sucks but seems to be the necessary evil to get yourself a job for most people, or at least those of us with no congenital talent for or interest in anything in the trades.

And so begins another fun-filled semester in which my classmates and I grudgingly claw our way through nursing school. At least this semester is pediatrics and OB, much less boring than med surg.

-j

I lied, I just posted this and the last one rapid fire style. ;D Anyway, didn’t I just write one of these things… *disgusted mutter*

So! I was dating this guy “J” in January. Big. farking. disaster. Long story short, things were messy, J had a short fuse (albeit understandably considering a multitude of health and monetary problems) and was constantly yelling at me about some asinine thing, complaining about the state of his life or generally being miserable. After about five months of that, in late april/early may, I split. More or less. I told him, in not so many words, he was going to have to continue on his miserable path by himself because he was driving me crazy. He more or less accepted it. I don’t REALLY think he was THAT into me anyway. So I doubt either of us shed excess tears.

Block 1 came and went. It was somewhat stressful when it came to the tests, but clinicals were a cakewalk as I’d been working with the Company of Suck® for a year and a half at that point and our clinicals were in long term care in a rehab center in the center of Really Old People, Sun City, Arizona. Different and a learning experience yes. Hard? Not. I passed block 1 with an 82 or 83%, high C, ALMOST to the B range, but then it is nursing school and their grading criteria is different. Nursing school is so completely different than anything else I’ve ever done, and so intense that it took me nearly a month, probably closer to six weeks into summer vacation to totally decompress and start feeling like my old self again. Going to the gym four days a week, lots and lots and LOTS of naps and generally getting enough sleep helped alot.

Then commander Riker® otherwise known as Russell came back into the picture in June or July and I had a social life again for the summer. Long story short, it was while things with J were snowballing downhill that I realized that I really should have kept in contact with the former (we had gone out several times last summer) and not gotten involved with the latter, because J was driving me nuts and I distinctly remember being quite fond of Russ. ;D What can I say, we all have our moments of utter stupidity. In my case, I have them about every 3.5 seconds.

Flash forward, after a long, restful summer infiltrated with plenty of beer and romping around Tempe with the college kids (and Russell, heh), I and my fellow classmates (most of whom I was close to and had passed B1) steeled ourselves for a semester from hell. And that it was. Skipping past all the gory details, most of us passed. Some of us didn’t and that is indeed sad. I can name a few that I’m going to miss going into block 3. But I did pass, by the skin of my teeth as is my tendency, and I tried to relax the first few weeks of vacation as my stomach continued to manically secrete enough acid to burn a hole through a concrete block (I’m not sure how much acid that is but I know it’s alot). New Year’s Eve came and went accompanied again by plenty of alcoholated beverages (well tolerated by my fussy tummy actually) and raucous behavior and here we are at the beginning of 2010.

Which I might mention, is the LAST year of the first decade of the century, not the FIRST year of the second! 2011 is the first year of the second decade! You people. Can’t you count? ;D

All in all, 2009 gets a low C, in the neighborhood of 72% okay and 28% suck. All things considered, not too bad. REALLY bad in some parts, really awesome in others. Thankfully this year is shaping up to be better already. I hope all my blogger friends, FB friends, real life friends etcetera have the same luck this year. And if not, try the black eyed pea dip next year, some people swear by it!

:)

-j

Or: “End of year clearance sales further my Target obsession”
Or even: “the gratuitous and excessive use of parenthesis continues”

So it’s only January 4th and this year is already looking up from the end of 2009. Every year for New Year’s Day, Shelly (or Dad in the case of this year) makes this bean dip from black eyed peas (not the band! go away spammers..) which is supposed to give you good luck that year if eaten on January 1 of the year. So as usual they dished out some for the party they were going to and left some home to be eaten (or in my case inhaled, it’s goood stuff) later. Now I’m not superstitious (except for a phobia of ghosts and paranormal stuff happening). None of that black cat, broken mirrors or good luck/bad luck hogwash. But if the last few days are any indication, MAYBE this year will be somewhat of an improvement over last year.

The first bit of good fortune is that I’ve got a client who’s been keeping me busy for 20-25 hours of the week. Albeit temporary, she’s going to be working with me until I go back to school for the spring semester. Last week alone I pulled nearly full time between her and my regularly scheduled shift (which I am quickly hating). Then, when her services end with me, I might start up with another home care company that shalt not be named (henceforth Company “A”) for fear of the Company of Suck® (Company “B”), suing me or doing something otherwise unseemly, as wont to do. Long story short, the person running the show at Company A called me and offered me a spot on staff, which is cool. Now, despite bad blood with Company B, I don’t want to lose the potential income I could get from them in the future. So I’m thinking I’m going to take a little unpaid “leave” from Company B and see how things with A pan out for awhile. If I can work enough hours with A, it might mean I wouldn’t have to deal with B for a long time. And good riddance, sez I.

The second bit of good fortune is that the parentals made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. And no toes were pulled out in the process. Long story short again, it looks like I’ll be selling the sportbike and eliminating $200 dollars in vehicle bills a month. I’ll miss my motorcycle, to be true. I’ll probably cry when it goes. I’m fully planning on getting another motorcycle one day, but for now I could use the extra money. I have not seen the end of two wheeled hellraising! ;P

And block 3 starts in 2 weeks and counting. I’ve been on break for about two weeks now, and I could probably use another month of rest, but I should be somewhat re-energized by the 19th. I’ve heard that Block 3 lacks the breakneck pace and potential for aneurysms that Block 2 had, so that’s good. I nearly went completely silver this last semester.

… Okay, so that’s an exaggeration. But I have SIGNIFICANTLY more silver in my hair than I did at the beginning of August. And for all you doubters who thought I was acting like a hypochondriac when I said I thought I had a duodenal ulcer: thanks for the support! Maybe it wasn’t an ulcer, but it sure as hell wasn’t comfortable. You try dealing with all that anxiety all at once! It’s enough to chip away at a person’s sanity. Nursing school. Don’t do it! And if you do, make sure you have plenty of caffeine and Xanax. 0_o

So work and school are looking tolerable. The outlook is decent all things considered. Considering the fact that they *could* be really terrible and me pissy all the time, this is a good thing. Oh, and regarding the first title: I found the cutest dress EVER on sale at target: click. It’s a tad bit tight below the waist, but it’s black, so who cares. Score!

I’m getting around the annual “year in review” post … later.

-j

Well, Block II is over and done with, thank goodness. And good riddance, says I. What a mess. The entire semester was fraught with stress, mental anguish, plenty of shed tears, a few finger sticks and gross-outs. I wasn’t even sure I was going to friggin’ PASS at the end of it all.. thankfully I did, but just barely. I’m glad that’s over, now onto block III! Did I learn A LOT this semester? Of course. Did it nearly kill me and most of my classmates in the process? Hell yeah. How do I feel about block II now? Like if I met it in the street I’d give it a knuckle sandwich ;D

Alas, the weird and freaky dreams have not ended with my successful passing of the course. Maybe with a few weeks of christmas break decompression. For some reason I’ve just got this sense of impending doom/something really sh*#tteh is going to happen, and that’s not normally a side effect of being stressed for me. Strange. I am not prone to paranoia.. so I wonder what this is all about.

I had TWO dreams last night that were obviously and literally what I’d been thinking about in waking life. The first one, I was taking care of a former client of mine who I recently learned has been diagnosed with a brain tumor. I’ve been worrying about possibly being called on to serve a shift with her, and I really don’t want to if they do call me.. not that I don’t like her… it’s more that I’m not good at dealing with people who have determined that their time is up. 0_o

The other dream, I was nursing a patient back to health I’m sure was supposed to represent the main character in this book I’ve been reading, The Gargoyle, that my mother lent me a few months ago. For some reason every time I pick it back up I end up tearing up. Apparently reading emotional books is causing me psychological anguish, heh! The weird thing about these two dreams is that normally my dreams are fairly abstract, loosely based on what’s going on in real life, more metaphorical. But these two were so obviously literal. Veery strange.

Also, I’m supposed to quit smoking now that I’m on christmas vacation. *siiiiiiigh* This is what, attempt number six or something? I. don’t. wanna! … Sooner or later it’s gonna stick. If anything, I’ll quit once I’m done with nursing school… honest.. no really.. I SWEAR. ;)

-J

I’m not much of a tv watcher, with the exception of two shows: Private Practice and Grey’s Anatomy. The former tends to bend reality a bit for drama’s sake, but it’s good anyway. Like tonight’s episode: a drug addict mother moves back in with her ex-husband and their daughter, and her meth lab (she denies using again apparently) explodes, injuring her beyond help and putting the daughter into a carbon monoxide-induced (temporary, she eventually wakes up) coma. Now, if this really happened in REAL life, the doctors and nurses would have at LEAST two very serious problems on their hands: third degree burns over most of her body AND her body withdrawing from the drugs at the same time, which in itself can send a person into cardiac arrest if the withdrawals are bad enough. However, we don’t see any symptoms of withdrawals in the episode. (Because that would detract from the drama of the mother dying and the father, in an attempt to spare his daughter the evils of what her mother’s done, prevents her from seeing her mother before she passes.)

If you add on the fact that severe burns can cause very serious electrolyte (mainly potassium) losses when they cover that much of your body, as well as hypothermia (damage to subcutaneous tissue and fat, clear down to bone in bad cases..), dehydration (fluid losses from draining, swelling burnt skin) and so on and so forth… you get my point.. ;) None of that mentioned in the episode EITHER! Suspension of disbelief I guess (mixed in .9% saline… that’s a nursing joke.. get it? Suspension? ;)

Which brings me to my main point. The only reason I know all this stuff is because I have a really, really great block II instructor. She’s *slightly* anal retentive. She is way, wayyyyyy too detail oriented at times, past where most of us, myself included (and I like to pay attention to detail, no doubt) would not go. ;) But she is a DAMN good instructor, and I’ve learned easily three times what I learned last semester regarding pathology and anatomy. I feel like, in this semester alone, I’ve become exponentially more competent when it comes to patient care and I think me and all my other block II classmates have her to thank for that. Also our hard work, proverbial sweat, blood and (literal) tears (at least tears on my part).

This semester, I’ve learned to insert and discontinue urinary catheters, IV lines (on actual people) and do trach care and suctioning and nasogastric tube insertion and d/c-ing (on dummies). I also learned more than I wanted to know about wound care from a nice nurse named Joe in the ortho unit. Silver sulfadiazine: veeery cool!

So, I’m probably going to pass, which is good. I feel like I’ve earned it. We have one state proctored exam; the HESI; that is a complete and utter heart attack for all of us. The general consensus is that it’s not really fair that our score on the HESI should affect our 76% required test grade average to pass… but it’s out of our hands. Then there’s the final, and we’re done! Finished with Block II. And good riddance! What a pain!!

Come January we’ll be Block III students, one step closer and that much closer to graduation and licensure. Woot! ^_^

Oh. And I’ve learned to start thinking critically. I still need some practice, but I’m onto a good start. :P I’m not out of the dark yet, with two tests to go, but I’m feeling cautiously optimistic about those. That seems to be the name of the game with nursing school.

J

Most signifigant elements: bees, dog and nekkidness.

First the bees. I was around the house, whatever it was was inconsequential, and there were bees in every room. I remember wondering how they got into the house and who had left the damned door open anyway. So I managed to trap two of them in the laundry room, but when I went into the bathroom, one got me on my knee (twice?) and one got me on my hand. And somehow I thought it was a good idea to clean/cauterize the wound with a lighter.. which eventually stopped working. 0_o Bluh… I’ve never liked bees. Leave them alone, and generally animals will leave YOU alone. Not so with bees.

Then the dog. I was walking this dog, I think I knew the dog or knew who it belonged to somehow. Anyway, this dog was being all kinds of obnoxious, pulling on the leash, pulling the leash out of my hand, growling at other dogs… doing general dog things.

Then I went into this clothing store and somewhere before or after going in I realized I didn’t have a shirt on, but I was carrying around this soggy white (ish) sheet, so I threw that around me halter style. 0_o again. So I browse through the racks and find a workout top and something else, ditch the sheet, put on the top (looking in the mirror and realizing I was kind of damp myself actually…) stash another top from another rack in my bag and go up to the front to pay for the top I’m wearing (still with the derned dog) … apparently trying to make off with the hidden one in my bag unpaid for. Then, wouldn’t you know it, before I could pay for the top and/or an employee could find this gross wet sheet in the dressing room, the alarm went off and I woke up.

So usually I look this kind of stuff up on some dream website. First the bees:

To see bees in your dream, symbolizes wealth, good luck, harmony, and bliss. Bees are also symbolic of hard work and industry as represented by the common phrase “busy as a bee.” Alternatively, the dream could indicate all that is happening in your life or something that is buzzing with activity. Is there a lot going on in your life?

To dream that you are stung by a bee, indicates that you have been wronged. Maybe you have been hurt by some stinging remark.

… ayup. That last part sounds about right. Now the dog (I looked up “leash” and it was inconclusive). Skipping past all the bunk:

If you are being guided by a dog, suggests that you are having difficulties in navigating out of a situation or problem.

C’est la vie. Okay, now the nekkidness, which would seem pretty obvious:

shirt:

To dream that you are shirtless or that you lost your shirt, signifies financial worry, monetary lost or risky endeavor.

topless:

To dream that you are topless, signifies your way of showing and exhibiting love. You may be inviting love toward your direction.

mmmkay. hmm. okay! now more literal terms.

naked:

Nudity also symbolizes being caught off guard. Finding yourself naked at work or in a classroom, suggests that you are unprepared for a project at work or school. You may be unprepared in making a well informed decision. With all eyes on you, you fear that some flaw will be brought to public attention. You fear that people will see through your true self and you will be exposed as a fraud or a phony.

Often times, when you realize that you are naked in your dream, no one else seems to notice. Everyone else in the dream is going about their business without giving a second look at your nakedness. If this happens in your dream, then it implies that your fears are unfounded; no one will notice except you. You may be magnifying the situation and making an issue of nothing.

And depending on which term you use, the stealing part has more than one meaning:

To dream that you are a thief, suggests that you are afraid of losing what you have. Perhaps you feel that you are undeserving of the things you already have. Alternatively, you may be overstepping your boundaries in some situation or relationship.

To dream that you are stealing, denotes that you are deprived and where the stealing takes place (at home, the office, at school….) is indicative of your neediness. Alternatively, it may signify unrealized and unfulfilled goals. You may have set your goals too high.

So I think what this subconscious quagmire is saying is: I’m broke and angsty about it, the work situation sucking/school situation sucking/money situation triad of suck all sucks and I’m angsty about that too. Apparently, my fears are unfounded however (as nobody else in the dream seemed to care I was wearing this nappy sheet instead of a shirt). And, I’m either neurotic about losing things important to me, needy or having a quarterlife crisis. Swell! If you put any stock in these Jungian dream analysis websites, I’m a general wreck of a twenty something, heh!

j

Funny when I first started nursing school. I was optimistic and excited about finally starting school, ready for the challenges, blah blah blah… Now 3/4 of the way through my second semester out of four, I just want it to be over and am seriously beginning to doubt my own ability to get through this block.

We have to get at the bare minimum, 76 percent on all our tests cumulatively to pass before the assignment and clinical points get added on. I got a 78 on my first test, and a 74 or 75 on my second test. Which just about averages me out to 76 or thereabouts. This next test is the definitive one. Pass, and have a chance at passing the course, assuming the HESI exam and final go well. Fail, and you can pretty much write yourself off for the semester unless you do outstandingly well on the HESI and final.

In all other programs of study, the equation is easy. Adequate studying = you pass. Not so with nursing. You have not only study, but be able to apply what you’re learning critically. That takes brains that work.

This semester has been insulting to my ego. I know I’m smart enough to get Bs and even As in these courses. So why am I not? Not for lack of studying. I also know that if nursing school doesn’t pan out, I’ve run out of ideas for things I can do to provide for myself. After high school it dawned on me that any career in the arts is a death sentence unless you get lucky and famous, flying was out of the question since you need 20/20 vision… which pretty much exhausted any interested I had in anything job-wise. Which is why I turned to nursing. The prereqs were easy enough and I enjoyed them, so I stayed in the program. Now here I am, and I’m not even sure I’m going to fecking pass. If this doesn’t pan out, to the military I go. Because as far as I’m concerned, that’s where everyone goes who is a) unmotivated/uninspired b) not smart enough to do anything else or c) broke and in need of funds for school. And, if I don’t pass this ridiculous course, I’m going to be all three. Swell.

My brother is a complete and useless fuckup. I’m just trying to make sure at least one of us makes our parents proud.

Or: a cacophonous soliloquy because I can’t concentrate on studying, am frazzled, tired and need a beer. ;D Hence:

Part first! On religion and how believing will could potentially sink your boat:

I was sitting around at lunch with some of my classmates at the hospital last week eating lunch, and somehow the subject of God and belief came up. Funny how these conversations always spring up so randomly from completely unrelated topics. :P Anyway, I do NOT believe, and my two classmates do. I presented my opinion that I have no reason TO believe in God, and they argued that that’s using ignorance as my reason for disbelief, and that wasn’t reason enough to not believe. Still with me? I also brought up some related points about the Holocaust, modern crime and all the general evils human beings have done to one another in the history of the earth. Good, decent god-fearing people have been massacred DESPITE believing in some god, I think, and no god *I* would choose to believe in would allow such terrible things to happen to believers. One of my classmates brought up the point about free will that everyone’s heard before, that as humans we have to have free will, that even God can’t control our decisions when it comes right down to it and God has nothing to do with the evils people do to one another.

So. I’m getting to my point. What does science tell us? Science tells us that, for example, the chair you’re keister is sitting on is solid. Yes? Right. Now, science ALSO tells us that the REASON that that chair is solid is because the electrons that are part of the chair’s most basic units of structure are spinning so fast around their nuclei, at unthinkably fast speeds and that so many of them are doing this at the same time that objects cannot pass through the bonds the electrons have formed with each other.

(Or something like that. It’s been a few years since I took a chemistry class. Which I think I passed with a low C… BUT ANYWAY.)

So, science tells us the chair is solid. That’s irrefutable and I believe it because I happen to be sitting on one now. Science also tells us that it’s the atoms that MAKE the chair solid. Now, I can’t prove that. Plenty of people believe this to be true without having actually checked out the atoms of a chair (or anything for that matter) under an electron microscope. We have only the educated (or so we hope) opinions of those somewhat smarter than we are. So what if they’re WRONG? It’s doubtful, because the atom-chair theory holds plenty of water. But if they WERE, we’d all be misled by what they’d been telling us all along. RIGHT?

Now back to religion: so, a few thousand years ago some long-haired peace-loving dude (not a bad guy, don’t get me wrong there) seemed to think he knew alot about the word of God and sins and all that stuff.

I’d just like to interject that the word “sin” is a subjective word in my vocabulary. A sin to one person is killing a bug to another. Get my drift? I think killing rats is a sin, and yet people still feed them Coumadin (Warfarin to some of you’s) and follow the trail as the poor thing BLEEDS TO DEATH FROM ALL ITS ORIFICES. Is that not a sin? I think so, but most people call it “pest removal”. Wth?!

Okay, so I’m getting off track here. So far we’ve established: Chairs are solid. They are solid because they have atoms that are spinning, blah blah blah.. We believe they are solid because of the atom theory. People tell us we should believe the atom thing because they’ve seen it. Most of us haven’t, but we believe these smart people because they’re smarter. They could tell us the world is actually purple and seeing blue is a mutation in our cones (rods? whatever), and BINGO. The sky is purple. We just THINK it’s blue.

Which brings me to my main point (finally): science and religion are not so different. A bunch of people who we consider to be wiser and more educated than we are have told us this stuff and we consider it to be true. I do NOT believe most of the stuff the religious wise guys have written down. Why? Because it’s implausible and based on what I’ve chosen to believe about science, impossible. For the same reason, I’m not so sure I believe God exists. My mother, family and people I know have come up with VERY convincing reasons as to why God probably does exist. For example, the beauty of the universe, the grand canyon, the miracle that is sexual reproduction (and budding for that matter, holy hell!), and so on… On the one hand, I’m very tempted to agree with them. The universe is indeed amazing, the scope of which is beyond the human intellectual capability to fully understand at this point. We’ve pretty much nailed reproduction (ad nauseum..) and that’s pretty amazing too. Does that prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that God exists?

Ehmm… eh. I just don’t know about that one. The proof, if you choose to believe it’s proof, is irrefutable that god exists. I don’t think it’s proof really. Awesome, but not proof of some higher metaphysical power. So yes, I’m technically using my declaration of ignorance as my reason for disbelief. If God exists, I hope that it understands that it’s nothing personal. Really. I’m just a skeptic by nature, hence, Agnostic/Buddhist.

PART SECOND! Weird dreams:

So I had this weird dream the other night. I generally haven’t been sleeping well lately as the test is two weeks away and I can feel the anxiety slowly creeping in. Seriously, this block is like carrying your own casket to your own damned funeral. I can hear the dirge starting already… :/

So anyway, I’m somewhere rampantly green, I think it may have been Kentucky because when I ask someone in this outdoor bar where I am, they said, “Yer in Whiskey!” … although it could have been North Carolina, although Jack Daniel’s is based in Tennessee. Whatever. So I order a beer and a hot dog (Dad and I were watching the Phillies/NY game earlier that night… ;), funny how detailed this dream was, come to think of it. Anyway, I’m on the motorbike, and I’m riding along, following a few cars ahead of me, getting farther and farther away and are eventually out of sight. It’s getting darker, and then the road suddenly stops and there’s about a six-foot dropoff, and then the path continues not as pavement, but as a sidewalk.

So I walked along that for a while, and it’s damned dark. Like Silent Hill dark. As if that wasn’t creepy enough, my flashlight starts dying. As flashlights tend to do, it did not respond to being shaken or hit. On either side of the sidewalk is what looks like mud and puddles. Like when you’re on the coast of Alaska and the tide goes out, and all that’s left is this thick mud that sucks you in and swallows you if you get stuck in it. In front of me I can see some hills vaguely through the dark, and some twinkly lights from a town or a city or suburb or something, but I know I’m not supposed to be going there either. And my flashlight is dead. So I’m getting really nervous, like “WHERE THE HELL AM I?!” and turn around to go back. In a flash I’m back in that green place where I started.

And then I woke up. Now that’s not a very creepy dream, but I still woke up with that creepy, crawly something’s-not-right-here feeling where the hair on your arms sticks straight up. One cigarette, a few text messages and three hours later I’m still awake.

I’m fairly certain the dream was about my combined school/work situation and its deterioration lately. Although I wasn’t aware I was feeling THAT nervous about things. I guess my subconscious is slightly more neurotic than I’d like to admit. :P The job situation is brightening somewhat as I’ve put out a slew of applications, have an interview with one company and work just called with some hours potentially for me in the next week or so, but school is still kind of a strain.

And people wonder why I haven’t quit smoking and like beer as much as I do. >_<

-j

So I’ve resorted to scanning Creep’s List for jobs lately, and I fell upon one in particular advertising a driving position. Which I’ve never done but hell, could be interesting. So I emailed the guy wanting more information, attached my resume, blah blah blah.. his reply email was a little… wierd:

You will be getting the payment for the first week of her stay which will be in form of a Cashier’s Check or Money Order, but the amount will be higher as it will include our commission as an agent and some other charges which we charge and remit the balance to our Regional Office.

She will arrive in the state before the end of this month and i will inform you about her arrival date and location

“she” being a client to drive around for a few weeks. “She” was never mentioned by name. Uhhhh… kay.. what, is she the Queen Mother or something..? So anyway, the dude wants my name, phone number, email address and full mailing address. Which I didn’t send him in my reply email because I live with my parents, and if I at least don’t care about ME getting potentially hacked up, I definitely don’t want the parentals in tiny peices… which I said in fewer words in my reply. The crazy replies with simply:

I ll need your full address, get back to me asap/

Ummmmm…. kay, no. *archived* On second thought, I’ll just go back to being broke for a while, kthx. 0_o Then a reply from another job posting read:

I’m sure you’ll understand I tend to have a very busy schedule at this point,as I am presently in Australia, I will be back in Three Weeks.
I think you’re the right person for this position,Please note that this position is not office based for now because of my frequent travels and tight schedules, it’s a part-time work from home and the flexibility means that there will be busier weeks than others, so it’s a little difficult judging the exact number of hours you’ll be doing per week.If you can manage your time properly,this job may even give you some extras while you do something else on the side. As I have said, I’d want us to get a head START with things as soon as possible.I do have lots of works piled up presently and a number of unattended chores which you can immediately assist me with, I hope we can meet up with the workload eventually. Permit me to use the coming week to test your efficiency and diligence towards all this, also to work out your time schedule and fit it to mine. I really need to find the perfect person for this job, I’m confident you can take up the challenge and on the long run we should have a relatively sound working relationship between us.. I’m online most of the time as I am hard of hearing so I prefer we contact each other through E-mails,but if there is need for me to call, I will be glad to do that.I am glad you are willing to work with me and i promise to be a good boss. I am also glad on the commitment in working.I have been checking my files and what i would want you to do for me this week is to run some errands out to some of the orphanage home, I do that every month.A payment in form of a Cashier Check/Money Order will be sent over to you from one of my clients and i have some lists to email you once you received the funds,You will make some arrangements by buying some stuff for the kids in the Orphanage at any nearest store around you so you can mail them out. I will get you more information on that,I will like you to get back to me with your Contact Details such as:

So. First of all, someone who wants to hire me for ANYTHING without an interview? Strange. $500 dollars weekly to do an idiot’s job? Stranger! Really weird though, is that the $500 weekly was also the amount named by the first guy I mentioned up there. Hmm…. I typed the meat of the email into Google and … uh huh. Scammers. I figured it out when the second email came in, the little red flags started flying up all over the place. I think this is a group of people trying to scam people into doing their courier work and possibly money laundering for them, because both emails had commonalities about them, ie the $500 weekly, and the deliveries/pickups and whatnot, and general vagueness regarding the type of work.

So my Google hunt was interesting. If you hit up this page about halfway down, someone got the exact email I did, verbatim. So did this person and this person, this guy on a forum aaaaaand a REALLY interesting page on hubpages that details job scams on CL, which ALSO happens to mention the email I got. Again, VERBATIM.

So the job hunt on CL is fraught with people trying to prey on those misfortuned with shitty employment or no employment. Caveat job searcher.

What makes me particularly nauseous is that these guys -almost- fooled me. These guys are good and I just wised up a bit. 0_o

-j