Born under a terrible curse and with both feet lodged in her mouth, this sometimes-neurotic, twenty-something, eighties-music-loving someday-nurse bemoans her oft-amusingly bad luck, recounts felonious adventures on two wheels and endeavors to get her scatterbrained self edjamacated.

1st
SEP

Protected: Stay With Me

Posted by Jessie under Uncategorized

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16th
AUG

Things We Do To Express Ourselves

Posted by Jessie under Things That Scare the Elders, fashion

One of the things I like about being alive these days and my generation in general is just how free we are to express ourselves in just about way we can think of. Tattoos, which used to be found only on sailors, hookers or ex-convicts are now almost commonplace. Everyone and their dog has something emblazoned in ink somewhere on their person, some of it less meaningful than others. Last week I hung out with Krieket @ Chroma in Phoenix while he got some more detail added to his tattoo. I don’t have anything particular profound I’d want needled in ink to my forearms/shoulders/wherever, so I’ve stuck with piercings thus far.

The parentals have never thought much of my ears, but they’ve sort of tolerated this weird little quirk I suppose. I’m still not quite sure what they make of this: (click on the title if you dare!)

21st
JUL

Protected: Wow, who do I thank for this?

Posted by Jessie under Neato!, Regarding the Opposite Sex

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18th
JUL

Riding Motorbikes is Not a Fashion Show.

Posted by Jessie under Motors

Or: the respective wishlist of stuff with which to clothe/protect my arse. :P

But it does help to look hot. :P To blow the paypal credit balance on this stuff… or not.. *shakes 8-ball*

helmet.jpg

With the chaps and something to put on my hands. DAMN YOU ICON! How is one supposed to save up money for skool while all this cool gear exists?! >_<

And some girl on the ChicRiders forum makes some pigtails in an array of colors, conveniently attached to suction cups, which you can stick to the back of your helmet to the amusement of other motorists. :P

J

5th
JUL

Ducati Monster 696 Demo Ride

Posted by Jessie under Uncategorized

I’ve been bitten, and now I’ve got the disease. This insidious disease plagues those of us who know that the Italians make some hot bikes, and are consequently obsessed by them.

I got to demo ride the Ducati Monster 696 today after the Payson run, and quite frankly I don’t think I’ll ever be the same. I think I’m in love…

</drama>

You don’t really understand what it’s all about until you’ve ridden one. It started with intrigue when Cary told me that the seat height was low enough for me to nearly flat-foot. Then came genuine interest when I sat down on the one on the showroom floor. Then I got on a live one, turned the key and hit the ignition switch and the thing came to life and the sound of awesomeness didn’t stop for 45 minutes of glorious blitzing through the streets of Phoenix (more like plodding, we were going way under the speed limit). At 5k to 6k RPMs the growling starts, and it starts whispering evil things in your ear… “C’mon, more throttle, that’s it, second gear, let’s GO, NOW!!”

I’ve crossed over to the dark side, I’m afraid. I’m plotting to abandon my faithful, little well-loved Ninja for something more sinister.

</drama, for realz this time>

It’s as if Ducati sat down with a bunch of short-legged female riders and asked them what they wanted. “Low seat height!!” they said. “Not too heavy!!” they clamored. “Wet clutch, we don’t want to deal with it slipping!” And so Ducati did it. And Ducati saw that it was good.

Here is a bike that’s low enough for me to sit comfortably with the balls of my feet on the ground and knees slightly bent, that has me sitting slightly forward with my feet under my butt where they should be, not too much weight on my wrists. Here’s a bike that weighs only 350 pounds, 30 pounds lighter than even my little Ninja. Here’s a bike that with very little prodding can propel my small self forward faster than I could possibly want to go and still has me with complete control of where the power’s going.

It’s short, light, fast and in three colors of awesome. I’m going to have to break the bad news to my Ninja carefully. I realize this may seem like an impulsive thing, and I fully intend to research whether it’s even financially possible and mull it over for at least a month. As well as consult the older, wiser, more seasoned rider parental. ;D

J

Alternate title to this entry: OMG WANTZ0RZ!

22nd
JUN

Protected: Withdrawls

Posted by Jessie under Uncategorized

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20th
JUN

This is my karmic SOMETHING.

Posted by Jessie under Uncategorized

I picked a HELLUVA week to quit smoking! *headdesk*

on Tuesday night, a lady fell down at work and there was blood EVERYWHERE from a cut on her leg she got on the way down.

Tonight I was super busy AND said lady fell down two more times. Which wouldn’t have been that annoying had it not been for the paperwork involved… see, every time someone falls down and gets hurt, or there’s blood involved or anything potentially life-threatening or generally something happens that shouldn’t DOES, we have to fill out these lil reports detailing what happened and what we’re going to do to follow up/ avoid it in the future. These reports are tedious and take an annoying amount of time to fill out. I had to fill out TWO of these for the SAME person tonight. GAH!

In the midst of which the FD showed up and grumped at me about how they hadn’t been alerted that it wasn’t really an emergency, the other ladies had just freaked out and called 911 the second they heard someone crying for help. To which I replied sans patience that it was their dimwitted dispatcher who had failed to radio them and tell them it was a false alarm. and now I feel like a jerk because I like firefighters, they’re good guys. AND TALL HOLY MOTHER. Seriously, one of them is two of ME.

So we’re on night four of the watch-Jessie-quit-smoking saga, and it’s been humorous. Mostly painful. Alot of bubble bath and tea has been harmed in the process.

J

18th
JUN

I have solved America’s gas crisis!

Posted by Jessie under Motors

Inspired by yet another radio ad using the gas crisis as a strategy, I have some advice:

GET A MOTORCYCLE. :)

2008 Suzuki GSXR

2008 CBR100RR; for you suicidal crazies

2008 Yamaha R1

2008 Triumph Daytona 675

More of a cruiser person? I have a solution for you too!

2008 Yamaha V-Star

Triumph Speedmaster

Or if you feel like spending most of your time under the bike instead of on it, you could always get a harley. ;P That CBR is going to get less miles per gallon than say… my 500 Ninja, but it’s still better than 25 miles to the gallon highway, 22 city you’ll get with a car. I pay about 20-25 bucks a week on gas, and that’s with riding 200 miles on Saturdays alone. If I just commuted on my bike, I’d pay about 15 bucks a week. And that ain’t bad.

So everybody: get on two wheels! The stupid ones will wipe out and the smart ones will stay alive and the world will be a better, safer (faster!!) place for all of us, we’ll pay squat for our fuel and hey! The sportbike manufacturers’ kids will get to go to college! Clearly this will solve America’s problem! ^_^

J

16th
JUN

I should have done this a few years ago.

Posted by Jessie under I QUIT ... maybe?

So Rick and I saw the Incredible Hulk last night. Nobody told me Edward Norton was so freaking cute! COME ON PEOPLE. Anyway, in support of the movie, I’ve decided to start a running count here. And dedicated an entire new category to what promises to be a very amusing (for you) series of blog entries.

I’ve brushed my teeth, changed into pajamas, locked all the doors, walked around the house, re-checked all the doors, pulled out a few eyebrows, re-checked the doors again, pulled out another stray eyebrow… etcetera… I could JUST go to sleep… All I need is ONE! I have just one thing to say:

THIS BLOWS.

days-1.png

1

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH please buy me a gun with one bullet, kthx.

J

15th
JUN

More shitty stuff that happened in 1986

Posted by Jessie under Hilarity, Music

sixxAs if 12 people dying on my birthday wasn’t bad enough, right? OH NO. Also in that year on Valentine’s day, Nikki Six overdosed on heroin in some dealer’s apartment, the former of whom tried to beat the life back into him, subsequently failed, and tossed the dude into a Dumpster. (click on the photo for embiggination!!)

In other news, Sixx recently made my list of “Hot Famous Old Guys”. However, in order to get anywhere within a ten mile radius of the dude, you have to look like (one of these photos is NSFW) this or this or this… somehow I’m not big on looking like the Hot Topic poster girl. It’s bad enough I had to walk around the bleeding mall today with one of their big-ass-bags in hand that may as well say in bold, “I HAVE REPRESSED TEENAGE ANGST AND NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME OK?!?1ONE”

<topic hijack BEGIN!> I bought a Vendetta poster, and asked if they had paper bags. The chick behind the counter looks at me and goes, “Uhhhh… no.” I so don’t fit in at Hot Topic… hippy-ness and HT goth-punk-emo-angst just don’t go well together. It’s like mixing beer and chocolate… ask Dad if he wants something sweet while drinking a beer. The answer will always be no. </topic hijack>

J