brief theme switch and a thought:

I’ve been blogging on this thing for four years. Holy cow!

And, I haven’t made as much progress as I’d like to have in four years, but slow and steady seems to be my life’s theme. Take tonight for example. I went to the “Reaction Cycling” class at the gym, the intensity of which I was not prepared for. The crazy instructor lady had us standing up on the pedals and really going to town… faster than I’d like my heart rate, and really… I’m trying to burn fat, not beef up my legs. So while everyone else was standing, I was sitting. Obstinate? Maybe. But I was still getting a helluva workout. My legs are now officially out of commission for a while.

Also, my stomach appears to dislike any foods that aren’t simple (like bread and veggies) and contain fake stuff/things made of beef. So basically, I’ve been getting alot of fiber.

So, four years of blogging and two months of no smoking (two months last night actually). Go me! By this time next year I may even be out of the nest and paying my own rent. But don’t hold your breath.

-j

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the woes of summer is a Don Henley song

News flash: even the natives think Arizona in the summer sucks. I’ve been here all my life, and every summer I’m reminded that … right, it doesn’t get easier, you just sort of learn to muscle through it.

From the beginning of May to the end of December, I pretty much look like shit. There’s no real point in doing your hair unless you’re going to be inside the majority of the time and can avoid going outside for any reason. Makeup, when not sliding off of my pinched little face due to the heat’s melting properties, slides out of place as my skin cools itself by oil secretion. So from early May when the temperatures starts breaking the 100s to late October when it finally gets down below 80 (fahrenheit, not celsius), I run around with my hair as far off my neck as it will go (read: old lady bun) and in as little makeup as I can get away with. Clothes rumple and start to look nappy by noon. I’m sure I look what is edging on a bum by four o’clock in the afternoon. It makes the motivation to gussy up a bit somewhat small.

I still wear makeup and put on clothes that are more than a millimeter thick in the summer a few times a week, but there’s definitely a feeling of, “oh #(^* this, what’s the point?” I look forward to the cooler temperatures, because my winter stuff is a little more formal, less ragamuffin-y and I can rest assured my makeup won’t migrate to other areas of my face when I step outside. Straightening one’s hair does not require stepping out of the bathroom every few minutes to get some air (some case with blow drying). So rest assured, fair people of Phoenix. You will only have to deal with my stinky, damp little self for a few more months. Hang in there. ;]

In semi-related news… every fan in my house works well except for the one in my bedroom, which rocks, groans and grinds regardless of what level it’s spinning at. My nightly routine now involves earplugs, which fall out periodically during the night, and I wake up to replace. After a few nights of fragmented sleep of this fashion, you begin to get a little cynical about the worlds’ problems. Poverty?! FAMINE? Buncha wimps! (I am just kidding… but it’s really annoying)

In my perfect world, there would be only cats (to eat the crickets), dogs (but only in puppy form) and baby deer and things, and the temperature would never exceed 80 degrees with 10% humidity. There would be no “fat days”. Gym trips would never need happen because everybody would look like greek statues naturally, and you wouldn’t have to worry about whether your beer is making you fat, your deodarant is going to give you alzheimer’s someday, your plastic tupperware is giving you cancer or whether your children are going to grow up to be little psychopathic murderers because you didn’t buy them a pony. And makeup would NEVER EVER slide off in the heat.

I’ll keep dreaming?

-j

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a brief and scary glimpse at my psyche

So, I participated in a research study today. I can’t go into too much detail about it since it’s still being conducted… but it was MISERABLE. Absolutely terrible. I haven’t been that stressed out in a while, and the sad part is, it probably wasn’t meant to be that stressful in the first place… I’m just an anxious type, I guess.

So I was cleaning this piece of medical equipment. Obviously, I’ve seen one before in passing, but haven’t ever used, much less cleaned one of these things. So, they had me watch a little instructional video, then gave me a binder with the written instructions, had me get gowned-and-gloved and masked and booted and basically told me to have at it.

The two testers said I did great, and I asked them to please not think badly of nursing students, because I did AWFUL. It was terrible. Half the time I didn’t understand what the hell the instructions were asking me to do… put the WHAT in the WHERE..??? This thing has a piston..? Attach it to suction… uhh… and so on. Absolutely horrifying. I’m not sure if my reaction of getting really stressed and jittery was an appropriate reaction. I was pretty embarrassed, even though both I and the testers knew I had never had to perform the task before and hence had no fracking CLUE what I was doing. It took me about an hour and a half – I kid you not – to do what should have taken about 15 or 20 minutes, tops. Every once in a while, I put a piece in the right place, and had an ‘AHA!’ moment, like, SEE? I’m not such a moron! … and then the next step again threw me for a complete loop.

And the worst part? They sometimes ask nurses to perform this same procedure with barely more training than I got! Apparently, on occasion, the “reprocessing” tech who does all the cleaning of certain equipment isn’t available, and the nurse has to do it, and she often has little more experience with it than me! 0_0 This was why they brought in nursing students for the study, from what I was told.

IV starts, foley catheter insertions and IV hangs are never going to be as difficult again. After the mental anguish of dragging myself through that little exercise, I think I can handle the last semester of nursing school. I asked the testers at one point, “Can you guys just have mercy on me and let me skip to the last step?? This is really awful.” … Alas, no luck! I had to finish. And they gave me a $40 gift card to Walmart, which was nice. I bought some groceries, a little makeup (I earned it!) AND, some beer.

What’s more interesting is that it’s been over two hours since I got done, and I can still feel the stress hanging around. Was it really that bad, or am I just a neurotic? Anyway, that was exciting, and I’m sure my stomach and I are going to have a nice little time tonight! ;]

-j

Posted in Germs, Bugs & Nursing Nonsense, Medical in General | 2 Comments

back into decompression mode.

Woot! Summer’s here. I celebrated passing my finals by having a 22 gauge needle stuck in one wrist and all of my wisdom teeth forcibly extracted from my pinched little face. The surgeon was kinda cute, so I’m betting there’s a BDSM joke to be made here… I even have a few bruises from that encounter! XD

Aaaaanyway, the evil teeth are out and my recovery time has been quick thankfully. I’m on day 3 and I’m already back on normal foods. They just take me about three times as long to eat! I also have quite a bit of tylenol with codeine I haven’t been using, which could come in handy for future- I mean, uh… kids, you should NEVER take perscription drugs that you don’t need!!

(I’ve been taking it this week to help me sleep, since I’m ALSO in the middle of quitting smoking.. the withdrawals are crazy and the narcotics put me right out. ;P )

So, now that the requisite not-fun part is done with, I can devote the rest of the summer to studying/doing my HESI remediation, sleeping, exercising, working, whining about nicotine withdrawals and knitting. I’m almost done with a scarf I’m making out of spare baby yarn (pink!) and a half done hat is on the other set of needles. Up next… mittens. As if I don’t have enough of those already and don’t get enough use out of them as it is (it hardly gets cold enough in the winter)… but oh well. They’re fun and I love knitted stuff. :)

The only part that kind of stinks about summer is combating boredom. I love having time to catch up on crafty things and errands and other To-Dos… but summer can get kind of dull sometimes when the parentals are off in Prescott, the beau’s not around and it’s just me, the knitting kneedles, and the crickets. In general though, my main reaction toward finally arriving at summer vacaction after the “Block 2 of hell/really short winter vacation/Block 3 that wasn’t much better” trio of ultimate evil: aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Relaxation at last!

That said, I have some more nonproductivity to get to.

-j

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You know those smoking cessation ads?

You know, those ones where that disgusting pit monster or whatever it is, is crawling through the main character’s lungs saying nasty things like, “You’re my host until you’re TOAST!”?

Those are totally lame and just make me have bad dreams. And considering that I am a day away from making attempt number…. uh… six (?) at quitting the sticks, I have enough problems sleeping without some wacko commercial giving me even trippier dreams. THANKYOUVERYMUCH.

I’m compiling a list of why it would be a good idea for me to quit. Barring the obvious (badgering by the, ahem, loved ones) no more cravings, etc, I’ve heard it improves your sense of smell (quitting, that is), circulation and generally most other body systems.

That’s nice. I can’t sleep.

Will post more as I think of the good reasons. And probably will post alot more as I think of more stuff to whine about while withdrawing.

-j

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whereever you go, shit shalt follow

So, block 3 is almost done with. Just one skill remediation test (failed the first time), one HESI (retarded) and the final. I’ve been too depressed to study for the remediation and the HESI be damned. I’ll start studying for the final this week. I’ve kind of been in a rebound nonmotivation to do much studying now that we’re in the final stretch. I know I really need to, but I’m in full-blown burnout mode. Add to the top of that lovely pile of crap is one of my instructors sending me nice little emails hinting that students who conduct themselves improfessionally over the internet risk suspension/withdrawl from the nursing program… note that I have yet to post anything improfessional over the internet regarding my classes. So that’s nice.

In other news, as if my fuckup sibling hasn’t caused enough problems in his rotten little life, he’s now in some deep shit. We get a few martyred letters a week remind us of THAT. I haven’t gotten around to writing him anything back. I don’t really think I’ve got much energy left for that. Let him sit around and wait for once.

In lighter news, the EKG that the surgeon demanded I get before he’d take my farking wisdom teeth out is… HEY! Normal. Which I told him, but he didn’t seem to take my complete lack of cardiac history (aside from the newborn surgery in question) as a decent enough sign that my little ticker is fine. Metaphorically black at times, but medically healthy. So, first thing come summer break in a week: I’m getting these godforsaken wisdom teeth extracted from my face, which lately has been looking alot like: X[

Work kind of sucks as usual. Getting older can be rough sometimes, and sometimes my little old lady feels it particularly acutely. I feel bad for her, and yet I hope she sticks around a while. She’s my friend too. She laughs when I pretend to throw a fit when she says she’s waiting for God.

And every once in a while when one of my days is particularly black (today), something happens that makes it a little brighter. Today I realized that I have a few kindred spirits in a spare few of my classmates. Most of them I don’t particularly care for, but a few of them I like alot and that makes dealing with the bitchy, backstabbing, hormonal masses a little more tolerable, even if the realization isn’t mutual.

Speaking of black days… I’m having more and more of them lately. I’m chalking it up to burnout (as I’ve mentioned before, my winter break was a fracking joke) and fatigue exacerbated by the unholy triad of the hurty tooth problem, the worst allergy season I’ve ever had and intermittent insomnia messing with my quality of sleep. Also, I think the aforementioned factors exacerbate my tendency to be somewhat melodramatic and prone to black days… in which I remember what it was like to be 17 and hate just about everything alive. >_<

I really need some sleep. Absinthe ruined my night as far as quality ZZZs went last night, and if I see that f#*(*&ing green fairy anywhere, I’m so going to punch her in the face.

-j

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State of the Funyun

So, like most of my entries lately (not so lately)… quick and dirty.

- block 3 is almost in the bag… it was just YESTERDAY I was whining about not wanting to start block 2. Little did I know… apparently block 4 is going to be living hell. SWEET. On the lighter side, I’m passing b3 with an 83%… this sets a personal record for me, as my track record with nursing school is somewhere between 76% (the lowest you can pass with) and 78% (also not impressive).

- I still smoke. shuddupalready.

- The capacity of my brain to function effectively is beginning to decline. I need summer break NOW. Today in clinicals, I put my clipboard down somewhere, then spent the next forty minutes searching for it. Turns out, I put it down when called into a patient’s room that was not one of my patients to help my nurse help him with something, then forgot it there. Attached to that clipboard was just about everything important related to clinicals I had on me; shift report, vitals, clinical info, my evaluation packet, my skills list, and the friggin’ Taber’s NANDA card for cryin out loud.. nice one.

- the state of my choppers is not improving. Every three days or so the whole right side of my jaw starts hurting and only lets up once I’ve downed about half a gram of some kind of painkiller. My wisdom teeth, apparently, are not going to play nice.

So life ain’t bad. Chaotic. Busy as usual. Somewhat disorganized. Exhausting. Veeery hectic. But the health situation could be worse and I’ve got a few bucks in the bank… emphasis on few ._. eh. so, counting my blessings, things could DEFINITELY be worse.

… but I’m still moderately PO’d that this wisdom teeth nonsense is making life annoying.

-j

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mid-semester update

In short: SCHOOL SUCKS! Bring on the summmerrrrrrr!! And I need a beer or six.

alternate title: All that blood and tears and all I got was stiff muscles and an ulcer!

(however, I’m getting an 83% this semester and that, for me, is almost a miracle. Rawk! ^_^ ) Will post another update after the next month of h-e-double-hockey-stix is over.

-j

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here’s a short one:

When you’re a teenager, your mission is to figure out who you are. I think some of us haven’t quite figured it out yet.

Maybe other twenty-somethings are more developed than I am, but my developmental task lately seems to be to reconcile who I actually am versus who I want to be in relation to my personality, viewpoints, etc; more emphasis on personality.

More specifically, I AM kind of high strung when stressed, easily excitable and (as someone described me recently, and I’ve got to agree), naive. What I WANT to be is somewhat more poised, less prone to leap-before-look and less scatterbrained/more mentally organized. And I should be working on it, but at the same time, dwelling on all this tends to accomplish nothing but make me feel bad about myself and kind of depressed.

Life seems to me to be a series of catch-22s, and the ultimate task is to make sense of it all! I’m sure this is all really mopey and depressing, but that’s what’s currently rattling around in my brain.

-j

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